by Anna Pitkin

"How are you?”

For many men, the answer barely requires thought.

“I’m fine.”

Meanwhile, they are answering emails at stoplights, sleeping five hours a night, surviving on caffeine, carrying financial pressure, worrying about their families and quietly wondering why they feel exhausted all the time.

Some men would rather build patio furniture with missing screws than admit they are overwhelmed. Somewhere along the way, “I’m fine” stopped being an honest response and became social armor.

Many men are raised to push through discomfort—stay composed, handle it, be dependable. These qualities can absolutely be strengths. But when resilience turns into emotional silence, the cost can become very real.

The challenge is that struggling men often still look functional from the outside. They go to work, pay bills, crack jokes and show up for everyone else while quietly running on empty. Some men don’t even realize how overwhelmed they are until someone asks a genuine question and they unexpectedly feel emotion rising to the surface.

Stress in men frequently hides in plain sight. It may look less like sadness and more like irritability, shutting down emotionally, overworking, sleep problems, drinking more, low motivation or simply feeling numb. Many men have become so used to survival mode they no longer recognize it as stress.

While not every stressed or burned-out man is suicidal, emotional isolation and untreated mental health struggles can become dangerous when ignored for too long. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, men accounted for nearly 80 percent of suicide deaths in 2023, and the suicide rate among males was approximately four times higher than among females.

Many adult men also experience profound loneliness, even while surrounded by coworkers, family or responsibilities. Meaningful male friendships often fade with age, leaving stress to be carried silently and alone.

This silence is not always about weakness. Many men stay quiet because they don’t want to burden others. Some were never taught the language for what they are feeling. Others believe pushing through is simply what responsible men do.

The body eventually keeps score. Chronic stress has been linked to anxiety, inflammation, digestive issues, sleep disruption, high blood pressure and burnout. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America reports that nearly one in 10 men experience depression or anxiety, yet less than half receive treatment.

To be fair, many men are working hard to change this narrative. More are seeking therapy, prioritizing mental health and redefining what strength looks like for themselves and their families. Conversations once considered uncomfortable are slowly becoming more normal.

Sometimes helping starts small. Text the friend who disappeared for a while. Ask a better question than “You good?” Encourage the doctor appointment. Invite someone on a walk, to the gym or even out for coffee. Real support often begins with simple consistency, not perfect words.

For men struggling themselves, help does not have to start with a dramatic breakthrough. It can begin with one honest conversation, one therapy appointment, one support group, one healthier routine or simply admitting, “I’m not doing great lately.” Even practices like strength training, yoga, meditation, breathwork, better sleep, time outdoors and reducing alcohol can help regulate a chronically stressed nervous system and create space to mentally reset.

Finding community also matters more than many men realize. Whether it’s a fitness group, hiking club, faith community, men’s group, volunteer organization or meditation class, having people to connect with regularly can make a powerful difference. Healing does not always happen in isolation. Sometimes it starts with simply realizing you are not carrying everything alone.

Men don’t need to become less strong. They need spaces where strength does not require silence.

Maybe “I’m fine” was never meant to be the full story. And maybe the healthiest thing men can learn is that carrying everything alone was never the requirement for being strong.

If you or someone you know is struggling emotionally or experiencing thoughts of suicide, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline for free confidential support 24/7.

Anna Pitkin is a wellness writer and advocate passionate about mental health, mindful living and helping people create healthier, more balanced lives through practical everyday wellness.