by Conner Romanowsky, LCSW, LCADC

Sometimes, we already understand the story.

We have talked about it, analyzed it and traced the pattern back to its origins. We know why rejection affects us so deeply. We understand why we shut down during conflict, struggle to set boundaries, overextend ourselves for other people or repeat familiar relationship dynamics.

Insight can give us language for our experiences. It can help us recognize patterns that once seemed confusing and understand why certain responses developed. And yet, understanding something does not automatically create a different experience.

We can understand why we struggle to say no while still feeling our throat tighten when we try. We can recognize a pattern of people-pleasing while still feeling responsible for another person’s disappointment. We can know why we learned to stay guarded while still struggling to soften when we feel safe.

At some point, more analysis may simply give us more information about a pattern we already understand. What we need next may be a different way of engaging with the experience.

This is where approaches that bring attention to the body and present-moment experience may offer another, helpful perspective. Practices such as somatic awareness, guided breathwork, grounding, reiki, sound healing, meditation or gentle movement can create opportunities to notice what is happening beyond our thoughts.

For one person, this may mean becoming more aware of where tension is held in the body. For another, it may mean practicing what it feels like to slow down, receive support or simply be still. The goal is not necessarily to replace conversation or insight, but to recognize that understanding can happen on more than one level.

A woman that has spent years analyzing why she disconnects from herself may begin paying attention to what connection actually feels like in her body. Someone accustomed to caring for everyone around her may benefit from experiencing what it feels like to receive. Someone that has struggled to hear her own needs may find that quiet creates enough space to begin recognizing them.

There is no single approach that works for every person. What feels supportive can depend on the individual, their experiences and what they need in that moment.

Healing can include understanding our story. It can also include experiencing ourselves beyond the patterns that story helped us explain.

Sometimes we already know why we are where we are.

The next step may be learning what it feels like to relate to ourselves differently from that point.

Conner Romanowsky is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Licensed Clinical Alcohol and Drug Counselor and founder of The Somatic Healing and Wellness Center of New Jersey. For more information or to make an appointment, visit www.SomaticHealingAndWellness.com.